Him : "It's almost end of February. Then it's March! Which means...?"
Me: "2nd trimester?"
Him: *short pause* "Yeah!"
Me: "I know that's not what you meant."
Him: "Batman vs Superman."

MEN!!

Okay, I succumbed!

Around 4am my lower abdomen area started cramping like crazy. It wasn't the usual mild peekaboo sort of cramps; they were the full on 'your period is here, DIE' sort. In truth, this did happen 2 weeks ago, but the pain lasted 2 minutes at a time.

I started making weird noise which woke the husband up. He obviously didn't know what to do (he was so sad about it too!), and put his arms around me and gave me a little kiss on the neck which actually did help. :) 15 minutes later, I'm heaving a sigh of semi-relief. Is baby still there?

So I got a pregnancy test today. So much for 'my body is not a machine'.

All good still! I know that hcg stays in the body a while even if it wasn't pregnant, but I really needed this test. It's kind of the only way I can get a 'response' from baby...sort of. Yes, I'm a batshit crazy to think my baby communicates to me via my pee, but it's all I got for now!

Have to stop this.

Ultrasound coming Monday! 

I'm now approximately 7.5 weeks pregnant, and it's been 21 days since I knew (counting the number of empty shells on folic acid pill strips). In the first week, I took 5 pregnancy tests. Not to make sure I really was pregnant, but to check if baby was still there. This desperate fear wasn't even because of scary discharge or anything! I was this crazy bitch loading up sticks to pee on.

Baby symptoms so far:

- nausea
- backache
- mostly mild, impersistent abdominal cramps
- small bits of white liquid discharge
- tender, sore boobs (a night of uninterrupted sleep is now impossible)
- constant fatigue
- loss of appetite due to nausea
- food aversion (to dishes with lots of different spices, chicken breasts and lately, red meat)

Yesterday, I felt a bit less nauseous and tired than usual, and that sent me spiraling down down down.

There is a good reason people say you shouldn't Google questions pertaining to your health, unless you prefer assuming death is near. I poured over forums and sites in a mix of dismay, relief and hope, waiting to be put at ease, while not really expecting it. I was surprised to find it.

'Your body is not a manufactured and calibrated machine.'

And that was all I needed. My body is not a machine. It is a human body which is now 2 people, and it's very busy doing multiple tasks to accomodate baby's needs. I should give it a break, and empty my mind of unnecessary shit. For all you know, baby tuts at me each time I panic.

So here I am, still worried a.f. but alot more positive. It also helps to picture baby in my arms after delivery; eyes on the prize.