I'm now approximately 7.5 weeks pregnant, and it's been 21 days since I knew (counting the number of empty shells on folic acid pill strips). In the first week, I took 5 pregnancy tests. Not to make sure I really was pregnant, but to check if baby was still there. This desperate fear wasn't even because of scary discharge or anything! I was this crazy bitch loading up sticks to pee on.

Baby symptoms so far:

- nausea
- backache
- mostly mild, impersistent abdominal cramps
- small bits of white liquid discharge
- tender, sore boobs (a night of uninterrupted sleep is now impossible)
- constant fatigue
- loss of appetite due to nausea
- food aversion (to dishes with lots of different spices, chicken breasts and lately, red meat)

Yesterday, I felt a bit less nauseous and tired than usual, and that sent me spiraling down down down.

There is a good reason people say you shouldn't Google questions pertaining to your health, unless you prefer assuming death is near. I poured over forums and sites in a mix of dismay, relief and hope, waiting to be put at ease, while not really expecting it. I was surprised to find it.

'Your body is not a manufactured and calibrated machine.'

And that was all I needed. My body is not a machine. It is a human body which is now 2 people, and it's very busy doing multiple tasks to accomodate baby's needs. I should give it a break, and empty my mind of unnecessary shit. For all you know, baby tuts at me each time I panic.

So here I am, still worried a.f. but alot more positive. It also helps to picture baby in my arms after delivery; eyes on the prize.